Kayyisa Loves Pink

Pink is my favorite color. My most favorite color. I have a very specific shade of pink that I love the best.   

  The Jewel on this ring is part of that shade of pink.
          








The pink in this sunset creates such an intense feeling of I-
don’t-know-what inside me, I just have to look away. Lol.

This is a picture of a plant in Hawaii. I absolutely love Hawaii!! I went to Graduate School there. They have soo many plants there that are naturally pink! 

This is me: Kayyisa. Cute Huh? (Ky-yi-sah. There is no “sh” sound anywhere. The “i” sounds like it does in the word “it” or “this”). I’m not sure I want to continue my Swan Life: The Ugly Duck series. I’m not really sure I should claim that I know anything about embracing Swanhood. However, I still refuse to be an Ugly Duck. I know I am a Beautiful Swan. 

My Ugly Duck Soulmate decided he didn’t want to become a Handsome Swan. This stumped me for about two seconds. I asked the Heavens (actually I cursed and demanded for them) to send me a new Soulmate to replace the Sorry Bastard I was given. Honestly, I don’t believe in living unfulfilled. In becoming myself (Beautiful Swan) I discovered that everyone loves me. Every Man is attracted to me. I am very nice, sweet and happy. I used to be afraid of Super Attractive Men. Now I see that we are in the same league. Actually, I am out of their league, because nearly no one has approached me with the confidence I am seeking. I am looking for an ALPHA Male. Being an Alpha has more to do with having Confidence In Self, than being attractive alone. I met one person I would call a Baby Alpha. While still in Hawaii, I met this decent looking guy at my friend’s house. I only met him once before I was ejected out of Hawaii (by the Universe) and into to California to see my Soulmate. 

This Baby Alpha was attractive enough with pretty light green (or something) eyes and dark tan skin. He was Mixed Raced with Mexican, Caucasian and I think Filipino. I love mixed race people. Every one in Hawaii is mixed race. I am mixed race myself. I am half Black Native, a quarter Jamaican and a quarter Chinese. Black Native is my term for Native Americans with a supposed “Black” phenotype/physical appearance. {Side note for Native Americans: We can’t let foreigners come over and tell us OUR History. Us Black Natives know who we are. Don’t let people tell you “Know your history.” By that, they must mean the LIE told to us in the foreigners’ school system.} 

Anyway, back to the Baby Alpha. I was at my friend’s house after partying all night. I had so much fun that night. I went to clubs and danced my ass off. I am usually this nerdy girl who doesn’t know She Is Attractive. So I have practically never even seen the inside of a club. But that night I was dragged out. I found that all these Super Hot Men lacked the confidence to dance with me without the encouragement of my smile. I have Self Respect; something that doesn’t seem to exist anymore. I am very much aware of the Whore Culture that young people think they belong to. By the way, I am 26 years old. (Just yesterday a 20yr thought I was 16.) I noticed that women and men no longer know how interact with each other. Women throw themselves all over men. Men take advantage of women. This shows such an extreme amount of low self-esteem on the part of both the men and women. I am speaking about both men and women when I talk about the Whore Culture. So when men come across me, they don’t know what to do. They are so used to women throwing themselves onto them, that when I just smile at them prettily (or sexily depending on my mood) they don’t know what their role is. I have come across two responses: a) they act shy and do nothing, b) they try to touch a body part and then act insecure when I remove their hand. That night I learned that I was an Alpha Female. I have boundaries and let them be known. I was also the Most Attractive Woman out. I wasn’t wearing anything special and may not have had any makeup on. That’s what it is like being a Beautiful Swan. I know that all Beautiful Women are Beautiful. So I know that I am Beautiful. I also know that all beautiful women are insecure. That is what makes me the most Beautiful: My Confidence is Real. So from now on my Positive Self Talk includes this mantra  “I am the most Beautiful Woman in my Radius (Area).” 

Anyway, I still had lots of fun and did find a few guys to dance with. After arriving home I took a shower and entered the living room, wearing a Sarong (long sheet/cloth that I wrapped around my body). My friend had friends over. These were the same friends that had partied with us. When I entered the living room there was a new person in the house. The Baby Alpha. I am not going to go into all the details of the meeting. The most important part was that he kept approaching me. He kept trying. He didn’t shy away. His approach was subtle. I do not like aggressive idiots. He was nice, caring and sweet. I actually really liked this guy. He made me feel really Attractive, Intelligent and Exceptional. I am confident, as you all know, but it is soooooo nice when a guy makes you feel Special! He said that from the moment he saw me he could tell that I was “A Really Cool Girl.” Everything I said was “Dope” to him. He told me about his passion = Music. We actually spoke a lot even though it was late. I am mixed race but primarily identify as .... a dark skinned Black Woman? It is best to understand that confidence waivers Swans. I do not always feel confident. I loved that my Ethnic Appearance and Dark Skin color was not a deterrent for his affection. That’s my own insecurity (Turned into Symbol of my Beauty). We even discussed Race. He told me that in real life, race means so little. I actually really liked this guy. We would have started dating if I had not been ejected out of Hawaii to meet my Former Soulmate.

When it came to being physical - yes he tried. First in normal ways, such as putting his arm around me. This was acceptable. Holding my hand. This was acceptable. Me, being a woman, I didn’t attempt anything. So when he put his arm around me, I just laid my head on his shoulder. If he didn’t attempt anything else, nothing else was going to happen. Of course, being a guy, his hands began to roam. His hands ran down my legs and up my sides. This was when I gently removed his hands. This happened several times, and each time I gave gentle reminders of my physical boundaries. Mostly, what ended up happening is that he held me and gave me long hugs. Being a woman I knew he was trying to press my breasts against his chest, but they were just hugs so it was okay. He was actually a sincere, loving, caring and sensitive person. I could tell. The way he hugged me - I could tell that he would be a very romantic, sensual and incredibly loving person when being intimate. He has the characteristics that I like in a Mate. Sweet, sincere, caring and confident. My Mate must have these characteristics, in addition to being an Alpha Male. 

The interaction was wonderful. The reason I called him an Alpha is because he had the confidence to keep approaching me. This is a Lost Art when women throw themselves all over men - men no longer know how to approach a non-whore. He is a Baby Alpha because he could have been more Confident. 

So now I am looking for a New Soulmate. He must be an Alpha who is Sincere, Sensitive, Sweet, Caring, Intelligent, and CONFIDENT. Oh, and very Physically Attractive. IMPORTANT: Completely HETEROSEXUAL. Wealthy would be pretty nice too.

Pink has become my symbol that everything is going to be okay. I love pink. I love myself. I love.  

Thanks for reading Swans! I know it’s been awhile. 

~ Kayyisa Raine-Skyy 

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Remember the story of The Ugly Duckling? 

Many people misinterpret this story. Many think the story is about being ugly and magically becoming beautiful. Many try to apply this inappropriate logic to their lives. Hoping beyond hope, that they will one day transform into something better than they are. They miss the true point of this story. The most important part of this story is that the ugly duckling is not a duck. It is a swan that hatched from within a duck's nest. It wasn't ugly and then turned beautiful. It was always beautiful. It wasn't a duck who then turned into a swan. It was always a swan. It just needed to realize this. Once the little swan realized that it was literally a completely different bird, all its duck problems went away. It could be itself freely. It found that it wasn’t ugly after all. It was actually beautiful the whole time! The story is about finding who you really are.

That is the point of this Blog. It's to help you realize that you are already a Beautiful Swan. In order to do that, you must first understand that You Are Not A Duck!

(17) Missing Swan Soulmate: (Private Song)

Hey Swan Soulmate

I made a Swan Cover Song that is my interpretation of how we view each other. I hope you can tell the difference between when I am singing as you and when I sing as myself. I would have redone this song and made it better but I'm trying to keep quiet in this hotel. (Ps. I know the microphone on my other songs glitched whenever I sang too loud.) I know you would rather I reach out to you directly, instead of within this blog. However, since you were willing to let me die when I reached out to you last night, I think this channel of communication is best for now. 

(16) Swan Life: My Beauty

Feb 5 2015

I have learned a very good lesson, many in fact. I've gotten little sleep, wore no makeup, and have cried repeatedly. Don’t worry about the crying Swans. It is part of the process when reinventing yourself, learning new things about yourself, and healing yourself. However, it was also a day I made friends with several young ladies. A day numerous men showed me attention. Let me tell you something about myself. I don’t think of myself as someone who attracts much opposite-sex attention. Although, now I see this has become a normal thing. I have also noticed all kinds of people staring at me. From children, to women, and the elderly. Here's what happened today.

At the mall, a young product salesman seduced me into a shop where I tried on skin care goods. This man, born in Brazil and raised in Israel, was a smooth talker. He wasn’t my type in the physical looks department but I enjoyed our interaction. After a few moments of flirty conversation, he held a mirror up to my face. I blanched and turned away. I said “I don’t look good today. I don’t want to look in the mirror.” He said “What are you talking about. You are a beautiful woman. Your skin is already smooth, I can hardly sell you anything.” Afterwards, for the rest of day I looked in the mirror. Mirrors in bathroom stalls, in my makeup kit, and in store windows. I began to wonder - when the hell did I become beautiful? So now I accept that I am beautiful. Even with no makeup on, having little sleep, and with slightly puffy eyes (from crying). Even though I am not thin and my skin is not the color of the majority. I am beautiful. When I left the shop, half an hour later, without buying a single item - I said to the salesman “Even though I am not buying anything, do you know what you got out of all this...? You got to speak to a Beautiful Woman.” He smiled with the look in his eye of a man, before he knows he's in love with a woman, and silently agreed. I now know I am beautiful. I am a Beautiful Ethereal Swan. Swans, the things you really want for yourself (like being beautiful) are already a part of yourself. Accept it, be happy about it, and let it out! 

Mar 5 2015

I know I have never explained what ethereal means. I am using the term "ethereal" to describe my strong intuitive ability. I feel somewhat like a receiver of information. A receiver of information from where you ask? Oh... the air, the Ether, the Universe. (Ether -> Aether: Greek Mythology) Who knows really. All I know is that I receive information from a source unknown to me, and it feels ethereal. That is why I call myself an Ethereal Swan. We are all different breeds of Swan. Maybe you are actually a Goose! Haha! It is your job to figure out who you are, as I have figured out who I am. I am a Beautiful Ethereal Swan. How will you define yourself? Tell me in a comment below! I know your reading my blog Swans. I see it in my Blogger Statistics. But no one else knows what you have to say. Share it here. Don't worry about being the first one to post. Because really...I'm the first one to post. Write with me Swans. Let everyone else know what you have to say. I have readers from the United States, Sweden, Denmark, Ethiopia, United Kingdom, Ireland, Malaysia and Poland. Tell me what you really think. I'm already the first to post - you just have to the second, and third and the.... you get it. Show your Beauty! Thanks!

(Ps. I know my "Donate" button at the bottom of my page does not work. That is because I do not know how to fix it. If anyone out there can help then please (help Sky hint, hint ;) make a comment. Thanks.)

I know it is getting old for me to talk about my missing Swan Soulmate. But the reality is, if I think of the important things I need out of life, in the form of a Ranking System: The first thing on my list is to be Fulfilled in Love. When you're on your Swan Path, you'll understand. I just learned a new term "Twin Spirits." That is what we are Swan Soulmate. When you are honest with yourself, you will see it too. Good bye for now. Come get me when your ready. Show your Beauty! Ready - Set - Go! Hahaha!